Saturday, February 23, 2008

Car accidents and other stuff.

1:: About a week ago I hit (a love tap, really) a car in the parking garage at work. It was only half my fault, but of course no one believes that because I have been ordained worst driver in the history of the universe. The car I hit, was of course, parked. Because who doesn't find parked cars really hard to avoid sometimes? So anyhow, once I hit the car, I threw a total (internal - mostly) temper tantrum.

The temper tantrum consisted of three stages: (A) FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! This is the seventh car I have hit in as many months. I am so going to lose my insurance. I am such an asshole. Someone stab my face off with a fork. (B) THAT ASSHOLE PARKED LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE! That car is totally at fault for parking like such a jerk. Damn him and his stupid expensive looking Audi. Damn him to eternal car damnnationville! (C) WOE IS ME!!! Why can't I catch a break? First the Evil Troll situation and now THIS?!?! WHY GOD WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO??!?!!

The whole thing took about 90 seconds. Then I left a note and headed home (stopping at taco bell on the way for a double decker with sour cream - you know, comfort food)

Next day, I awaited anxiously for the guy (I don't know why I assume it is a guy, but I do) to call. No call came. Still feeling guilty, thinking maybe the guy didn't get my note, I left another note. Now, several days had passed - and STILL NO CALL!!!

So I think maybe the guy doesn't care that I hit his car? Which would be awesome.

2:: There is this lady who uses the bathroom on my floor (and by "my floor" I mean the floor on which my office is situated) that is totally bat shit crazy (or just really vain). I see her in there all the time literally starring at herself and playing with her hair. This morning, she was in there with a gigante bottle of hair spray going to town on herself. She was spraying like mad woman from the moment I entered until the moment I departed (approx 2.5 minutes). That was 9:05 a. It is now 3:03 p and it still reeks of her hair spray.

To crazy bat shit mad hair spray woman, I beg you, please stop.

3:: Evil Troll FINALLY moved out. God Bless America. Democrats and Republics alike.

4:: I am on a baked potato eating frenzy. Two lunches in a row now, and there is a 70 percent chance of another tomorrow.

5:: This makes my head explode.

6:: Certain Someone and I are no more. I mean, individually, we still exist. He just no longer happens to be my Certain Someone, I suppose. Sad.


1 comment:

The Hodge said...

That teleportation article is interesting. The other experiences seem a bit harrowing/epic.