Thursday, January 3, 2008

Dear Blackberry, I hate you. Hard.

I fired up a new posting with the intent of joyously expounding about the glory of Thursday's end of the work day when one happens to have Friday off (which I happen to have off this week) - when ZIP! BOOM! BOP! BAM! - I get an email from a client indicating that there will be no end to my Thursday. Maybe ever.** Why did this happen? I will tell you why. Because clients have Blackberry's. And so do their attorney's. And so they can be in the airport on a flight to Hong Kong when they all of a sudden remember to forward you a certain GIANT HORRIBLE ANNOYING document, with a note that says to make said document more giant, slightly less horrible, and infinitely more annoying at once.

Which all brings me to my point: The Blackberry.

The employee/Blackberry relationship strikes me as being very much like how I imagine marriage (except my own, which will be perfect).

At first, they are neat. Pleasant to be around. Provide opportunity for entertainment. Useful for communication. Slowly the casual amusement turns into co-dependence. You can't leave home without Blackberry and Blackberry can't stay charged up without you. Pretty soon, you can't be anywhere without Blackberry. Let Blackberry out of your site for five minutes are you are afraid what type of shenanigans you are missing out on.

Then as soon as it came, the honeymoon period ends. Blackberry takes up too much room. None of your friends like Blackberry and are starting to complain about your constant companion. Can't they get some alone time, they wonder? Blackberry has met your parents, and they too were largely unimpressed. But still, there are benefits. With Blackberry, you never feel lost. Blackberry provides you a sense of comfort you have grown accustomed to.

A short time later, even that begins to fade. Slowly, the surface of Blackberry starts to crack. Blackberry starts to brings you nothing but obligations. You fear/loath every encounter with Blackberry. The good times are gone. You long to live a life without Blackberry. A life where you can be free, and roam the streets alone, ready to be swept off your feet by the next technological gadget that comes your way. But it is too late. You have signed a contract. In blood. Blackberry, with help of AT&T, owns you for the rest of your natural life (one two year contract at a time). Everybody warned you not to be lured in by the fantasy. You did not take heed. You allowed yourself to be sucked into the vortex.

And now, your life is over.

Anyhow. Yeah. I hate my Blackberry.

** In the interest of being fair, I do actually like my current job a great big - despite this recent slap. And it is still exponentially better than my old job [Note: by "old job" I mean "the old torture chamber to which I would report on a daily basis"]

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