Thursday, December 13, 2007

I am the world wide pinball federation champion of the world.

The much touted December 2007 Work Day Adventure finally took place last night, and what an adventure it was. Negotiating the streets of Los Angeles turned out to be quite a challenge. Certain Someone, who was driving, turns out to have the eye site of a bat. And I am not talking about those frugivorous bats that can see all good and shit. I am talking near blind. Certain Someone also STRONGLY dislikes traffic. All of it. Bad eyes + hater of sharing the road with others = a couple near death experiences, including one where Certain Someone thought it a good idea to sojourn the wrong way down the street and cut off half a dozen cars for no particular reason or gain. Once we got the driving situation under control (use of the work control here is pretty wishful) and found our first destination, we were faced with the trials and tribulations of parking. Four laps around Hollywood boulevard and we ended up at a city sized parking structure at Hollywood and Highland, which for a parking structure, was pretty damn amazing. We did not receive a particularly warm welcome at Power House, the bar we went to. But no matter, we had three dollar pints of Pabst Blue Ribbon to keep us happy. From Power House, it was on to Pavilions gro-SHREE store (see below for explanation), but not before we were nearly sucked into the vortex of two billions screaming children emerging from the Kodak Theater. After a narrow escape and a two dollar (american) parking tab, we were on our way. A man with glass eyes tried to suck my soul out of my body outside of Pavilions gro-SHREE store, but that disaster too was averted. After Pavilions gro-SHREE store there was less adventure, and more good old fashion TV watching. And then came slumber. It was an event filled night, but the highlights are summarized below:

ASS KICKED: I won't mention any names, but a Certain Someone failed to demonstrate that he had a lick of pinball skills. Certain Someone will assuredly deny his lack of pinball prowess. He may even say he didn't get a chance to show how truely great he really is. But let me just say, at the end of night, I remain undefeated in pinball, thereby making me the all time pinball champion of the universe. And Certain Someone? Let's just say there can only be one champion.

LESSONS LEARNED: In some zany parts of the world (Kansas), they call the grocery store a gro-SHREE store. That is just plaid odd.

ASSES ALMOST KICKED: My own. Some bars in Los Angeles that fancy themselves down and dirty dive bars do not look kindly upon people who look like they may have wandered in from the behemoth commercial tourist trap of a hotel recently erected across the street. When at one such establishment, try not to look like such person, and especially don't try to take the seat of the uber hipster as he gets up to go to the bathroom.

LESSON PREVIOUSLY LEARNED AND THEN RECONFIRMED: Every person in the universe agrees (except for like 5 or 6) that it is a bad idea – lunacy even – to have a costume themed wedding.

LESSON STRANGE LONELY FELLOW FROM KANSAS LEARNED WHEN HE MOVED TO LOS ANGELES
: One can purchase a really big house in Kansas City for much much cheaper than one can purchase house in Los Angeles. And your neighbors are farther away from you, so you can run that meth lab in peace.

ASSES RIGHTFULLY KICKED TO THE CURB: Steven Rosengard of former Project Runway fame is possibly the last person, ever, EVER that I would to design an "everyday" outfit for me. I mean, did you see the episode? He expects someone to wear that dress? Really? REALLY???!?!!

LESSON LEARNED THAT WILL SOON BE FORGOTTEN: Beer, as it turns out, is not a cure for the whooping cough. Damn you science!

NOTE: I didn't feel like proofreading this post right now - sorry!!

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