Sunday, December 23, 2007

My maybe stalker.

About one point two five months ago I went out with this guy that I had met at a bookstore. Not just any bookstore either. I met him at my FAVORITE bookstore in Los Angeles.

Note to the Ladies before I continue my story: Don't go out with guys that you meet at your favorite places because when things go badly, as they are likely to go, you can't go to that place without a sense of fear that you will run into the person. I know it is temping to think, "I like X bookstore...he likes X bookstore - match made in heaven." NO, such reasoning is faulty. What you really should be thinking is "I like X bookstore...I am not likely to like him for more than 9 minutes because he is probably crazy, thus I should not taint the pleasure I derive from X bookstore by using it as my own personal substitute." Unless of course, the guy in question is exceedingly hot. In which case, carry on. There are other bookstores in the world.

Back to my story.

So I went out with Book Guy. It was one of those innocuous are we or aren't we on a date type dates - coffee across the street from the scene of the meeting. During our kinda date, he employed the oft used second date entrapment technique.

Note to the Men before I continue my story: While the making of a second date while still on the first date tactic can go swimmingly well if the subject is into you, such a maneuver should only be employed by the most skillful dating master. It is likely that unless the person you are with is a total raging bitch (which is entirely possible), you will get an acceptance under duress. HOWEVER, such acceptance is likely actually a rejection. Confusing, I know. But the nut of it is, if you ask a girl out on a second date and she says yes while sitting across the table on your first date, don't get your feelings all hurt if she never answers any of your phone calls, text msgs, etc., etc.

Back to my story again.

I fell into the trap. I said yes - all the while thinking "no way in hell I am going out with you again because as it turns you, you are really annoying me." Sadly, Book Guy was not so tuned into my reluctant, "ummm, sure." He tried for like a month to make a second date happen. At first, I would make up excuses (all via text) why I could not. Finally, I just gave up and stopped replying to his advances all together, thinking - surely he will get the point. And at first, he did. And then he didn't anymore.

Starting a few nights ago Book Guy (who is also incidentally also grad student at UCS guy) has adopted a new technique that is downright creepy. He left a voicemail that went something like: "Hey, Diet Coke. I haven't gotten a chance to call you in a while. I am going to be at UCS tonight until 7. How about I just come by after." Actually, that is verbatim what he said. The problem I have with this message is he speaks as though a) he believes I actually have a desire to see him and b) we have that sort of casual "just swing on by" type relationship. And trust me when I tell you, a) I don't and b) we don't. I obviously ignored the message, mostly because it was crazy, but also because I tend to ignore all things I don't like.

But THEN today, I get the following:

"Diet Coke, what is going on? I left you a msg and you didn't call me back. I think we have chemistry and I want to see you again."

Umm, no. Obviously. NO! If we had chemistry, we'd have gone out more than once over the course of the two months. And I'd have returned one of your 18 phone calls instead of sending you to voicemail and then texting you back about how I can't hang out. And finally, damn you for making it so that I can never return to Book Soup in comfort again.


LittleMissLaw said...

Oh my. Isn't it amazing how guys cannot understand when you ignore them?

Love your blog, I'll be back!

The Hodge said...

As a guy this might be useful "advice". This guy is creepy and doesn't get the point soon enough, however, it should be recognized that many guys expect to be told something directly, not using smoke and mirrors (i.e. "I would but...") Of course, I generally abide by the 3 strikes rule. No woman or man is worth more effort than that.

Travis McGee said...

Another guy here, and I agree with the hodge 100%. It would have been nice if this guy had adhered to the three strikes rule, but he didn't because men expect women to play hard to get. And you said yourself that you responded to his messages via text. Each time you texted him back saying you couldn't hang out, the message you sent was "circumstance, not you, is why we can't hang out."

Ladies, don't do this. Men are optimists who will assume you have the best intentions every time. And we're not psychics - we won't "get the hint" unless you spell it out. Just say, "I'm not interested in dating you." You can add an "I'm sorry" to the front to make it sweeter, if you like, but make it quick and direct. Six little words can save you both a bunch of trouble.